Neha

Human mind is the greatest creation of god. We can feel, think and react at the same time. And in today’s materialistic world where everything is so artificial we generally pretend not to be ourselves. As a result of which all these three actions are not in alignment with each other. We just love flaunting about things and bragging about being happy but, is it actually true?? Are we honest to ourselves??? People love to be self contended and feel proud about it. But it’s easier said than done. At the end of the day the basic fact to be remembered is that man is a social animal and we need people around us, some of them are those with whom we are happy and some are there for the name sake. Still we need to be with them, that’s life. Life never goes the way we want it to go so there are a lot of things that contradict with our feelings but still we have to go with it as it’s the need of the hour. But we need to be expressive and open about our thoughts. It’s just that we have thoughts in our mind but we are either not ready to express it or are afraid of the consequences. We come across things that really hurt us or disturb us but we are not ready to confess. It just keeps on piling within us disturbing us to the core. We get irritated out of it, get depressed, let the whole world know about it but we are not ready to find a solution to it. We run for help to all people around who are ready to sympathize but we always tend to forget that all the answers to these questions lies within us.

It is just that we have time to talk about our problems to everyone around. But we don’t have time to stop for a while and talk to ourselves. We have no time for ourselves .Is it the right thing to be done???

By doing this we are simply killing our inner self. It’s good to be analytical, it’s good to be practical but is it right to do so at the cost of fooling your soul?? You should be free to speak your heart out. Free flow of emotions from your heart to your mind makes your thoughts pure and that’s when you can breathe in the fresh air of happiness. One should always have the courage to speak what is felt at heart and accept what is done.

It is a common thing to be seen these days that people crave for attention, crave for sympathy and they actually don’t do it because they are victimized by some incident or thoughts but it’s just that they enjoy it. They get some kind of positive energy when people are there to listen to them and sympathize. But such people are actually digging their own grave by doing so. For them the people around them are the support system helping them to lead their lives. But they don’t understand that they are killing their self esteem and their existence by doing so. It again boils down to the same point. Such people neither speak their heart nor mind. They just love being a part of the so called tragedy and crib about it rather than making a move to make a change.

One person who can actually have an impact on your life or change your life is none other than “yourself”. The whole world can take efforts to change you but it can only happen when you have the zeal to change, to face the change and be a part of the change.

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I had seen people moving around in haste since I was just a mass of petals .It was a flat road with lot of bushes on its side. Supposedly the main road that’s what I had learned over time. Knowingly or unknowingly I had started recognizing them. So many of them looking different but talking in a common language. It was just a few minutes for me everyday to understand what they talked about…something about money prosperity, happiness. I asked Ma (mother)… what is happiness? She told me “when u feel good at heart when people around you smile its happiness.”

With spring I started to blossom. I could feel myself beautiful from within. I had an unusual fragrance. My petals were as soft as cotton and in the sunshine when I smiled they danced along with the wind to enjoy the music of life. Every morning with the first ray of sunshine I was gifted with a number of dew drops that settled themselves as small pieces of dazzling diamonds on my petals. It made me feel like a princess on a chariot with a number of jewels embedded on her grand attire. Ma told me it’s a gift that God gives me to nurture my self, so I learnt how to cherish it and flaunt it. The leaves and the thorns around were like guardians protecting a little baby from intruders. I felt protected, secured and above all special. This was my life just like a fairy tale.  

One day I saw a man taking a bunch of flowers. He was telling his friend that he took it for his beloved and they would enhance the beauty of his love for her. They were beautiful red roses. They smiled at me with pride when he passed by. They had beautiful red ribbons around them and were sprinkled with glitters. The man went on caressing them with his lips to feel his love for his beloved when she would kiss them. Looking at them I had a wish deep in my heart, I want to be like them. I will also have an admirer; I would witness and feel the meaning of true love. I wanted to give a meaning to my existence, wanted to explore the beauty of love. I wanted to feel like a fish swimming in the ocean, feel like a bird flying high in the sky, feel like a color looking more vibrant when spread on the canvas ,feel like the flow of water forming ripples along with the moving wind. I just wanted to be myself, cherishing every moment of my life.

The next day when the people were passing by, yes the ones whom I had seen all these days I just swung from side to side moving along with the wind as if a maiden was dancing to the rhythm of life and gave an innocent angelic smile. They could feel the aura of my existence with my extraordinary fragrance and the beauty I beheld all these days.

They admitted among themselves that such a master piece of God I was, still untouched and unnoticed. Their words were like the divine drops of “Manna Dew” for my thirsty heart. I could feel the swirling emotions heating up my body and racing my pulse. When I saw them smiling I could feel the happiness. Yes, I was happy, for myself for the reason of my existence.

I could feel the caressing touch, could feel the warmth of love. I felt I got my admirer who would take me along for his beloved wrapped in the beautiful ribbons making me a part of his love. I felt I would also be an episode in the epic of a love story. I was enjoying the happiness of love. He moved towards me. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster with each step he took towards me. All the blood in my veins flushed on to my face which made me look prettier and the heat of my body enhanced my fragrance.

Finally he touched me, giving a smooth touch to my petals with his gentle fingers, making me feel complete at heart. But suddenly he left me with a jerk. Ah!! It hurted me badly, he had smudged one of my petals. He hurt himself with one of the thorns while he was touching me and in turn he hurt me. I could feel the heat of the tears that washed my face. He moved back to realize he had dirtied his shoes with the morass around the bush. His expressions had changed. I wanted to shout my heart aloud; I knew he would be gone the next moment and I would be left all alone to lead an unnoticed and untouched life. I cried aloud “don’t leave me alone, I want to be a part of your love, want to feel the love, take me along!! Give my life a meaning “    But he was gone. I was left all alone; hurt...not in my body but in my soul. I could see my heart bleeding with pain.  I cried aloud…why God why??? Had I been a part of a lovely garden …he would have loved me, flaunted me and taken pride in me. He would have made a part of the intimate moments of his love. But he left me all alone, bleeding with pain, crying in loneliness just because I was a part of the bush and not a lovely garden.

Now days were not cheerful for me. Smile had faded from my lips long time back and I could feel my petals drooping down. Now the music of the wind did not interest me any more. I was pale now, laid back on the thorns like a lifeless object. I was counting my days when one day he came to me. He used to stay nearby. Not a well to do person but great at heart, he and his beloved stayed in a small hut by the end of the road. They had often seen me when they were strolling with their hands entangled. He came to me caressed me with his gentle touch not fearing the thorns and the morass. He made me feel complete. Made me a part of his precious love. He took me along. Yes, it was my day to feel the purity of love, be a part of this divine feeling. Although I didn’t have Saturn ribbons around me to flaunt and glitters to sparkle but I felt the gentleness of his feelings and the depth of his love when he brushed his lips against me while taking me to her. I felt complete as I had finally got a meaning for my existence. I had realized one thing today everyone on this earth gets the portion of love at the time he is destined to get it. Love is selfless and boundless. It is all about feeling and not flaunting. Love is all about the purity of emotions, now I know the meaning of happiness in the true sense and I can feel the warmth of love. I love being loved and I feel contended and will always feel this love till the day I breathe.    

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I am sitting near the window with a cup of coffee in my hand. It’s raining heavily. Even then the streets are busy. One can hear the cars honking and people moving around with their umbrellas and raincoats on. I remember at one point of time even I was the part of this crowd running around, Running for success, running for prosperity, just running as everyone around me was running. So, even I had to run, I could not afford to stay behind the crowd. For me running had become a normal phenomenon as I believed it to be the key for success. 

I had a strong belief that today’s struggle will lead to a better future. Money was the key word for life. Got married but could never become a husband, had kids but could never become a father in true sense as I had no time for them. Life is too short to be spent in family drama, if I do something extraordinary I will be spoken of even when I am not there. This was a strong belief ruling my mind and my heart.    

“Work hard and party Harder” was the key mantra as these parties were the only way to increase the social circle and enhance networking. With all the effort and determination I excelled in the professional front, got a hike, got promoted. But there was something still lacking.

I never had time to celebrate my success with my family. They were showered with all the materialistic aspect of happiness but could never explore the true meaning of it as it was lacking in the basic sense of belongingness. Time passed by and with it my hunger for more and more got aggravated. I was not satisfied. I was craving for something but didn’t know for what. Was striving hard to find it out, achieve it, own it but was clueless.

Today when I look back at my life, I have almost achieved everything in my life name, fame prosperity but there is no one to cherish it, acknowledge it. I thought that I was the winner in my life but I didn’t realize that I achieved all this at the cost of the most valuable thing in my life and that was my family. I lost my wife two years back, both my children are settled abroad. I hardly get a call from them coz they know that it doesn’t make any difference to me. Today after six months of my retirement when I have no one around I feel the pain, the pain of loneliness, the pain of departure. I have people around me but I don’t have a family, I have all the temporal possessions today but one thing that I don’t have is eternal happiness. This prosperity is of no use to me today as I have no one to cherish it with me. In the hope of better tomorrow I never enjoyed today. And at this point of time I have tears in my eyes coz I have no one to tell me that they care for me. Today I want to cry, I want to plead my children for the love and care that I never gave them. And today I know what was that one thing I had always been craving for. It was my eternal happiness; I did everything to find it out but never got an answer because I never had time to sit back and think about myself. I had a solution for almost everything but had no answer for my search coz I never spoke to my self, never listened to my heart and today I repent for it. I just have to say one thing, don’t just lead your life live it. Feelings, emotions and above all relations are the real essence of life, explore it, love it, and cherish it. Money, name, fame all these are the most important aspects of life but not the only important aspects of life. Enjoy every moment of your life with your loved ones who really make a difference in your life. Breathe in the air that has a fragrance of belongingness. Nurture your life with love, treasure it before it gets too late and you have nothing left except for the salty tears.

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Life is based on the fundamentals of Arithmetic’s. Additions of Happiness and Substractions of sorrows are directly proportional to the number of deeds we multiply to our existence and the number of misdeeds we divide in our actions. We have been living and dying since ages and will continue to do so for decades together and in each life our karma has been leading us and will always do.

We generally tend to admire the beauty of nature but never try to understand the unsaid message that the almighty tries to convey through it, if we look at the sunrise and sunset we would be astonished to see the creativity that the Holy Creator has manifested while conveying a very important message. When the sun rises it’s the rays that are visible first and then slowly the Sun becomes visible on the horizon. Here the rays symbolize our karma that has been carried forward from the previous life that we have lead and the sun symbolizes our own existence which follows our karma. On the contrary when the sun sets, it’s the sun that disappears slowly and then the rays vanish in the darkness of night. Its just like we finishing the tenure of the life cycle and embracing the darkness of death and departing from the present life wherein our existence merges with the Divine power first and then our Karma fades away for that life time.

There is very famous proverb that says the grass looks greener on the other side. Its a normal human tendency to praise and admire what others have, but we tend to forget one thing that what we have is what we deserve and the criteria for deserving good or bad depends on our Karma. Life is like a canvas and Karma is like colors. It’s up to us whether we want to paint it with vibrant colors of our deeds and make it the most beautiful creation of God or leave it with black patches of our misdeeds.

The unspoken language between the visible and invisible which leads us to the divine knowledge is encrypted in nature. The only thing required to understand is an urge to find the reason for which we are here and the hunger to know and understand more. Why is it that the structure of the planet earth, the moon and the sun are circular and why is it that our tenure of life is termed as life cycle?? It conveys the most simple yet the most important fact of our life that we have to come back to the point from where we started to and values that we have inherited from our parents and the way we have been nurtured that influences our Karma. So, we should be honest to ourselves and our Karma as it gives a shape to our very own destiny. And at the end of the day we should feel contended and proud of being ourselves and giving a meaning to our existence.  give our life a complete picture. In other words we finally get what we give. As the parameter of a circle depends and is controlled by the single point in the centre from which the radius or the diameter is measured, in the same way the structure of our life cycle depends on the equilibrium we maintain in what we are supposed to do and what we actually do which in turn distinguishes deeds from misdeeds.

There is no book for deeds and misdeeds which specifies the do’s and don’ts that we need to follow in our life but it is our own instincts

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Why do the beautiful moments that bring a smile to my lips turn out to be fake like a Mirage in the desert of life...And I end up moving ahead like a caravan with a heart that is still thirsty for happiness. Why do the petals of hope in my heart get crumpled and torn apart from the thorns of reality…And I end up leading my life like a lifeless bush by the roadside waiting for the first shower of happiness so that it blooms again.

Why do the dreams that I have cherished for years together end up slipping from my own hands …And I end up feeling blank like the portion of the sand glass watching my dreams vanishing from my life. Why do my footsteps tend to loose the way they chose to follow when the roads of life become entangled to each other to form a spider web…And I end up getting trapped in the web to loose my own existence.

There is no one else to answer the unsolved mysteries of my life except for my own conscience. This “Why” gives me an inspiration to be myself, makes me realize my strength to fight out the fears and prove myself even in the adverse situations. It makes me realize that I am made up of the five elements of nature, I have the courage to chase my dreams , I am here to explore more of myself and the world around me. Life would stop moving ahead if I would become contended of what I have, so it’s the hope to move ahead in search of water that keeps my life moving ahead like a caravan that is on its way to discover more. With the first shower of rain flowers bloom even if they get pricked by the thorns and so does the hope in my heart even if it gets defeated on its way to be achieved. My dreams slip from my hand like sand grains to make me even more courageous to chase them, give them a shape when I merge it with my efforts. My footsteps loose the way because there are a lot of undiscovered paths that I am destined to explore and show a new path to people who believe in being followers.

This “Why” brings the best out of me and gives me an inspiration to learn and grow as an individual in my life. It makes me believe in myself and my dreams. I am on my way to learn and achieve all that I have always aspired for. It’s “Why” that drives my dreams and makes me feel proud of myself as I dare to Ask “Why” and then find a reason to it. That’s “ME” and my inspiration “WHY”.

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