Vol. I | No.10 Ensuring that you stay ahead
| CRM -The Tool for making Better Decisions |
| Biz Quiz |
| Cool Links |
| Kartik's Corner |
| Puzzles |
| This Month in History |
| We Heard from u |
| Holiday Destination |
| Page 3 |
| Shrikant Kalluri , IBS Hyderabad ('98) |
| Shailendra Chauhan, IBS Gurgaon ('99) |
| Vanitha Datla, IBS Hyderabad, (’97) |
| Ramesh Padmanabhan, IBS Bangalore ('97) |
| Vineeth P Nair, IBS Chennai ('99) |
| Did U Know |
| Book Wormz |
| Star Speak |
| in Photos |
| Alumni Meet, Dubai |
| Alumni Meet, Hyderabad |
IBS Hyderabad Campus |
| Literati |
| Just Jokin' |
Just Jokin'
- Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many marines were at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1, F1" and nobody understood.
- How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
- A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again." - A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again." - The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to him: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors." - The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
- Murphy's Laws of Computing
- When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
- When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
- The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
- When the going gets tough, upgrade.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
- He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
- A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
- The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
© 2007 IBSAF WORLD |
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